


The Piña Colada Chat

by Linorien



Series: 007 Fest 2020 [6]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien
Summary: Eve Moneypenny and James Bond both believe they are the better honeypot agent. But from a pure success per attempt number, they are equal. Naturally this doesn't end the argument so they go to Q who takes things into his own hands.
Relationships: James Bond/Eve Moneypenny
Series: 007 Fest 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810804
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	The Piña Colada Chat

**Author's Note:**

> Anon prompt: Eve and Bond have a competition to figure out who's the better honeypot. Eventually, they decide there's only one way to settle this.  
> with a side of trope table: Moneypenny friendship

“Which of us is actually assigned to honeypot missions?”

“And are they successful? I thought the last two both tried to kill you in the morning.”

“I still got the info I needed.”

“Hardly makes it a success. Besides, you haven’t been on a mission in years.”

“But unlike you, I go out to bars and get laid.”

The bickering continued even after Q put his head down on his desk. Why they needed to have this argument in his office, he didn’t understand. Couldn’t they do this in the privacy of their own home? He really didn’t want to hear about it. 

It was even worse when Eve started bringing up escapades from college and asking Q to confirm that they were true. “Yes, that one was true.”

Q just wanted to get back to his prototype for a more intelligent intercom system between the labs. Really it would be much more efficient than pulling up the official MI6 internal messaging system that has been used since the 90s and is pitifully easy to hack. But it was the official one and they weren’t permitted to use anything else. 

Unless Q developed it. The other branches might not adopt it, but Eve would make sure that knowledge of it didn’t leave the building. 

“Q! You stopped listening.”

Q groaned and lifted his head, leaving his glasses pushed up on his head. “I wish. You do remember I’m not your marriage counselor, right?”

“We don’t need a marriage counselor,” Bond protested. 

The fact that Eve spent 5/8ths of the last month sleeping in his flat rather than their shared home hinted otherwise. Of course, Eve was always welcome in his guest bedroom, and she made fantastic french toast, but some days he just wanted quiet. 

“Whatever.” He pulled his glasses back down onto his nose. Ugh, now they were dirty. “Fine, you want a settlement to your infantile bickering?”

“It’s not--”

Q held his hand up and thankfully they shut up. “Give me two days and I’ll summon you back.”

* * *

“You’ve both proven you can flirt with your bodies and your voices, so it’s time to up the challenge,” Q was explaining to his flabbergasted best friends. “You have to flirt online. Text chat only.”

They looked at each other, each seeing if the other would back down. With renewed determination, they looked back at Q.

“Alright, Q,” Eve said. “What are the rules?”

“One. No revealing your true name or occupation. Two, you will use the chat accounts I have set up. When you log in, it will automatically match you with someone. That person is your target, no questions asked. Three. You shall not video or even voice chat. There will be no sharing of pictures either. And four. The victor will be the first to get an in person meeting. Which,” he held up a warning finger, “you do have to go to. I don’t care what comes out of that meeting, but we’re using someone else for the game, I won’t have you ditch them. Also I need proof that the person is your online date.”

“Proof?” Eve asked.

“I dunno. Tell them to bring a blue rose or whatever and take a picture. Any questions?”

Bond raised his hand slightly. “So you’ll be able to read out chats?”

“Of course. I’ve monitored all your mission so I trust you won’t have a problem with that.”

“Of course.”

“When do we get started?”

Q smiled. “You’ll each receive an email in an hour.”

* * *

For three days, Q had the best evening entertainment of his life. He got to scroll through their chat logs at night. 

Unfortunately, he also had to listen to both of them insist they were going to win when they texted him throughout the day.

* * *

His entertainment was tripled when he put the cctv displays from the Blind Pig up on his largest monitor and grabbed ice cream. He’d even gotten the owner to plant bugs around the bar for his eavesdropping pleasure. (He’d helped Alex out of a scrape two years ago.)

He was cackling at their expressions when Eve and James simultaneously realised they had arranged to meet their partner. It was quickly followed by the realisation that they’d been sitting in the same house, sometimes laying in bed next to each other, flirting with each other over text. 

Unfortunately, this was followed by them realising that Q had engineered the entire situation. As one, they stared down the nearest camera. Next week, he knew they would team up on him and get their revenge. But as they turned back to the bar and actually had a proper, normal date, Q was glad that at least Eve would stop sleeping in his house for a while.


End file.
